Yeah, so we bought our stroller and car seat tonight.
I didn’t want to, but the bargain shopper in my couldn’t help it. We have a local salvage store that has REALLY good deals on name brand products. Most of the things in the store aren’t damaged and are discounted a whole lot. They get all kinds of stuff – clothes (I’ve bought Banana Republic and Lacoste from there before), furniture, home products – you name it, they sell it. And tonight, they just happened to have a diapers.com shipment.
We went to a really nice dinner on the strip, then went and got coffee and dessert. That’s just our normal date night routine. Noah wanted to walk around afterwards, so we just went to this store to kill some time. And of course, they had a huge baby shipment and had the exact things we had already picked out…for half off retail. If you know baby stuff, you know that this NEVER happens. So, despite every bone in my body telling me not to, we went on and bought all of it. And I cried the whole way home.
I want to say this is getting better. Some of the time it is, but then things like this happen. I’m well aware that this could be much, much worse. And I’ve had a couple of people tell me that. (Just for future reference, if somebody has a miscarriage, don’t tell them it could be worse. I relate it to this – imagine you got shot in the arm, and somebody comes up and says “Well at least you didn’t get shot in the face.” Yes, I am well aware that it could be worse, but it doesn’t make this any better. )
Anyway, I digress. I know this could be so much worse. I could have lost my ability to have children. I could have lost a baby much further into the pregnancy, or after he/she was born. But I still can’t shake the fact that one of our children existed, but is in Heaven now. That thought kills me. I also can’t shake the fear that this will happen again.
This too shall pass…
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